happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
