if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
