he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize