Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
