Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
