I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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