dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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