I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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