apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
