i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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