You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
