He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
