...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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