In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Randomize
