no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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