weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
