Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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