What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
