Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
...so i touched it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
