He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
