Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
