she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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