Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I must be too annoying 4 u.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
