"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
