Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
