had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
