well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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