Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
