I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
