I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
