If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
