I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
