Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
