the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
