i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
