It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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