you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
