so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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