TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
