It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
