If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
