omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
