So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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