We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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