Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize