I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
