oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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