omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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