i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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