she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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