He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
