I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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