marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
