have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
