so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you win again, gameday.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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