You smell like a Billy Joel song
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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