I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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