So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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