So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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