Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
