So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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