I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
