These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
