I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
