Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
