Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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