Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
