we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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